SUICIDE
ouais
Plus un seul coucher de soleil ne sera comme avant
SUICIDE not mine
Ouais.
Pourquoi d'abord en anglais?
Je t'explique. Y'a deux mômes,
7.5 et 3 ans au départ.
Y'a un père qui deux jours avant Noël, choisit l'ailleurs..
après 5 jours de disparition et de recherches intensives.
Pis y'a leur mère. Moi. Sidérée.
Qui saigne à l'intérieur. Qui combat l'obsession de le rejoindre parce que
c'était le deal du départ, être ensemble,
et parce que sans lui là tout de suite, je sais plus vivre.
Faut qu'je sorte la noirceur qu'a envahit mon âme, faut que je déteste la mort qui me drague comme une pute en chaleur, sans effrayer les gosses.
Ca prendra des mois, quasi deux ans.
La première chanson est créée en 2017. Anger. Enfin ça sort.
Elles comprennent pas l'anglais pas encore.. c'est mieux vu ce que je chante pendant qu'elles jouent au playmobil.
Donc en récap.. je me suis mise à composer et écrire en français, mais à partir de 2018, ce premier allbum est en anglais certes, pour les raisons évoquées plus haut. Mais vous repèrerez dans Show me the way, un petit aperçu de ce qui nous attend, après.
Le pourquoi du comment juste après, et les paroles de chaque chanson manière de comprendre le chemin de l'album, qui retrace de façon parallèle le deuil auquel j'ai dû faire face.
Pour écouter, télécharger, acheter les morceaux: c'est ici:
SOMEONE ELSE
Première éclaircie au milieu du brouillard. Une rencontre. Avec quelqu'un de bien. Et la confrontation à ma fille, qui vit ça comme une deuxième trahison.
Chacun son parcours, chacun sa blessure.
La difficulté de tenter d'aller mieux,
en réalisant que je fais mal.
Putain .. on n'est pas sorti le cul des ronces.
PAROLES
ANGER
Open your eyes and see the air Breathe it and feel the atmosphere
No light is shining in this place Big up to those who've chosen life
I fear real danger can hear the thunder
no green color further no other way than sit and stare...
-----at the monster he's my inner stranger
i curve spinal colum what does it mean i am a slave
of the anger that haunts my viscera
a gigantic fire consumes my will to cure
my anger burns inside
please keep it out, and save me
Empire of shadows, hole of hell Stop sucking me in, i'm tired, out of scene
I go on writing, all my pain Blow up my anger, I'm sick of life
I fear real danger invaded by hunger
that blows on the embers no other way than suffer the wave
-----of destruction I fill me with sugar
my stomach's an oger I loose control i am a slave
of my hunger that haunts my viscera
a gigantic fire consumes my will to cure
my hunger burns inside
please keep it out, and save me
PAROLES
SHOW ME THE WAY
Another day is coming close to my truth So slowly, serenely,
I leave my past, and i follow you You inspire me, make me feel good,
Too much time in churches, praying God
Crying, begging, calling my ghost,
Spending long hours in that fog
Now it's time, i want you to...
SHOW ME THE WAY I wanna drop the mask of my face
I feel you can free me of darkness
SHOW ME THE WAY Stop dealing with my inner devil
Is that love?..., i'm not alone
No, no i'm not a mechanical doll, Sometimes i fail, sometimes i fall,
Deep-rooted in a perfection quest, I need to talk, please be quiet
Don't allow them to judge my distress Listen to me, i try to do my best
If i don't succeed, don't let me stress My only duty is happiness
SHOW ME THE WAY I wanna drop the mask of my face
I feel you can free me of darkness
SHOW ME THE WAY Stop dealing with my inner devil
Is that love?..., i'm not alone
i'm not alone, i'm not alone, i'm not scared
i'm not alone, i'm not alone, yeahhh
Est-ce que c'est ça l'amour, est-ce qu'on m'aimera toujours? J'suis amoureuse d'un type qu'a préféré la mort, j'ai perdu mes repères, et puis j'ai peur de celle qui ravale sa colère ça suffit d'avoir l'air, NOR-MALE, j'suis pas comme vous, faudra qu'j'arrive un jour à chialer n'importe où, faudra qu'j'envoie chier ce besoin de vous PLAIRE, j'y arrive pas, t'façons et ça c'est pas d'hier, est-ce que c'est ça l'amour, est-ce qu'on m'aimera toujours, j'suis amoureuse d'un type qu'a épousé la mort, j'ai perdu mes repères, j'ai perdu mes repères
I left behind the barbed wires, I grazed my skin, i'm a survivor
alone i'm scared, too many demons take me in your arms, give me a reason
You crack my shell, you hear my pain, No defense, i expose my brain
Help me ..cast off ..all of my chains That prevent me from doing well
SHOW ME THE WAY I wanna drop the mask of my face
I feel you can free me of darkness
SHOW ME THE WAY Stop dealing with my inner devil
Is that love?..., i'm not alone
PAROLES
SPLEEN
Final hour, the sky is turning grey My mood dips, i'm gonna be its prey
Unsteady, i leave and go back home Already scared, i'm waiting for the storm
------i know, i know a fight is going on, the sun disappeared, and my pupils dilate
come on, come on, i have to be strong and use all my adverse power to create
------Tell me, tell me, that i'm not alone and take care of me like a little new born
Baby, baby, when you look at me, you're so pure that i can contain my demon
My heart was broken, and you know why,
A cruel joke, no it's not a lie
I want to love, and feel alive,
Believe in me, i will survive
Final hour, no deity to pray I turn around, i hope i'll be ok
Am i ready, to unlock my door I feel so wobbly, i'm waiting for the dawn
------I know, i know a fight is going on, and every year, i will confront the dates
come on, come on, i have to be strong and use all my harmful ideas to create
------Tell me, tell me, that i'm not alone no don't be afraid i'm the realest of all
Baby, baby, when you look at me, it's a miracle, is it your opinion?
My heart was broken, and you know why,
A cruel joke, no it's not a lie
I want to love, and feel alive,
Believe in me, i will survive
------I know, i know a fight is going on, i'm a baby bird and i can see the snake
come on, come on, i have to be strong i met you, no doubt it was the hand of fate
------Tell me, tell me, that i'm not alone be sure i will do everything to go on
Baby, baby, when you look at me, i get my forces i become a lion
My heart was broken, and you know why,
A cruel joke, no it's not a lie
I want to love, and feel alive,
Believe in me, i will survive
PAROLES
ROBBER
They came in, they came in my house, they burst in my nest
And i saw, yes i saw the damage, i lost my jewels
I don't care, don't care how it worth, injury' s far worse
Cause they took, they took the both rings, of our wedding day
And it was, it was the last link, with my dead husband
Did you drink, did you drink some champain, did you celebrate
How brave, how brave is your heist, thank you for the mess
Next time, next time call me first, i'll give you the rest
I still have, still have some richness, a gorgious treasure
Come back, come back to my home, you'll see its glimmer
Do you know, do you know how i cried, d'you know my sadness
You're so loose, so despicable, than i have no hate
And i fear, i fear for your life, and for your healthcare
Cause you raped, you infringed a law, my grieving process
And for that, for that you'll pay, no mercy for jerks
Thank you, thank you for distress, I thank you so much
Thank you, thank you for sadness, don't worry
you will pay
PAROLES
I M YOUR MUM
Today is your new school year
You woke up before the sun
So cheerful you brushed your hair
You are ready to have fun
I leave you at the steel gate
and see you take away
you have so many friends
why....does my heart bleed, why does my heart bleed
This morning some parents came together
So many fathers
I could'nt divert my eyes from them
Kissing their daughters
Am i a good mother?..
Do i have the shoulders? To make up for your father....
I'm your mother
Flashbacks in my head when he was a rock
There was no danger
How did he dare leave us, to fuck our lives up
I feel so bitter
Am i a good mother?..
Do i have the shoulders? To make up for your father....
I'm your mother
You force me to go on, to face the death
Life is our power
And if you're hassled in your playground
Say (that) i'm a warrior
Am i a good mother?..
I'll have the shoulders! To make up for your father....
You're my daughters
PAROLES
SOMEONE ELSE
Move closer to my mouth, i shake like a leaf
Don't worry if i'm pale, if i am feverish
I have something to confess, one minute, let me breathe...
How to confide in you, it is so intimate
I am so fond of you, yes i'm aware of the stake
can you receive the truth, it is so delicate
i don't want to hurt you, i'm sorry but i met...
Someone else...not a man to replace, not a story to replay
Why do i justify?
Not a man to betray, not a means to forget,
He makes me want to fly x 2
Do i embarass you , do i cause an earthquake
Do you love me as you said, or do you prefer me depressed
I share with you an open wound, but tell me, how do you project,
Lay down your arms i love you, just be polite and respect...
Someone else...not a man to replace, not a story to replay
i won't yet sacrifice
No one is betrayed, no crime is committed,
I have nothing to hide x 2
No i'm not losing my mind,
No you have nothing to condemn,
I expect of you to be fair
just remember why.. we're in care
Put a stop to your blackmail,
Scathing words rekindle embers
No shame, don't blame, don't punish me, it's my right
No shame, don't blame, don't you understand, he's my light
No shame, he's not the same, yes i know ..how it's hard
Don't you dare compare, look at me, now i smile
PAROLES
MEET
We met a day when darkness invaded my mind
No more than pain, it was a real sensation
I thought he was a man who only wanted my ass,
another fucking male without any emotion
But he was different, looked at me as a hu-
-man, and something arised, vibrations
My God, it's been so long, since anyone wanted of me,
because i didn't allow it
Oh Baby...something was born between us, you know, during our conversation
Oh Ladies..don't try to charm my man, he's strong, i don't fear your tentacles
For the first time from long years
i can feel my heart rumbling and warming, it's a resurection
Maybe it's time for me to turn this page of my life,
i will never forget my angel
But how to refuse tenderness, i endured the worst,
and now i really want the best
i know he'll understand, it's only for me, my children,
i must carry out his wish
Oh baby...something soft and attractive, power, in our relation
Oh Ladies... don't try to tempt my man i warn, i will be a lionness
In a few days you've given a light to my soul
i'd like to share with you my spirit
i do not realise the luck, for sure, 'cause everyday's
a kind of woken dream
i trust my man, my all friends, my consciousness
i hope i'll cure my heavy chain disease
Cause life is short and precious, it's understood,
my duty's to make the most of it
Oh...Baby, i stop feeling my loneliness, it's like a consecration
Oh....Ladies, don't try to hold my man, you failed, here we are together
Oh...Baby, i stop feeling my loneliness, it's like a consecration
Oh....Ladies, don't try to hold my man, you failed, here we are..